Since I'm not really a football fan, I decided to start the #SuperBookBowl hashtag on Twitter last night. Soon, people were contributing awesome tweets of their own - it was so much fun! Seriously - one of my biggest nerdpurrs ever.
Here's my commentary:
- Garcia Marquez just sacked Vargas Llosa!
- Philip Roth keeps patting everyone on the ass.
- James Patterson runs one yard, then stops. Runs one yard, then stops...
- Remember a few years ago, when Norman Mailer stabbed a ref with a steak knife?
- Shocked to hear that Beverly Cleary will not be in tonight's game, after testing positive for steroids.
- Man, George R. R. Martin takes a really long time before he throws the ball.
- Harper Lee has taken herself out of the game!
- Murakami throws the ball..........Incomplete!
- The Authors call a time out - Houellebecq is missing. Wait, hold on - they have located him. He was at the beer cart.
- Ohhhhhhh! Joyce Carol Oates has a wardrobe malfunction during the halftime show!
- Jonathan Franzen has been ejected from the game after arguing with the ref, Michiko Kakutani.
- There's Coach Jennifer Egan - her players tell us that she illustrates the plays of the game for them in Power Point.
- I tell ya, The Authors could not have better cheerleaders than the Indie Booksellers. They are SPECTACULAR.
- Time out - @Shteyngart has let a dachsund out on the field.
- Brrrr! Eugenides must have chosen the uniforms - those vests look cold!
- Another time out - streaker on the field. Is that...wait...yep - it's Edith Pearlman.
Hold everything! Turns out, J.K. Rowling has actually been playing for the other team THE WHOLE GAME!
- Milan Kundera is leaving the field injured - looks like a pulled groin.
- The entire opposing team has piled on top of Zadie Smith!
- Still too early to call the game, but Joan Didion has already started looting.
- Neal Stephenson runs over 1000 yards for a touchdown!
- That's Jonathan Safran Foer sitting in the stands, holding the sign protesting the use of pig's skin.
- Q.R. Markham steals the ball from Robert Ludlum!
- And Tom Clancy scores a touchdown with his butt!
- THE AUTHORS WIN THE GAME!!!
- Lauren Myracle has been named MVP of the #SuperBookBowl! No, wait...Nope - they're awarding MVP to Franny Billingsley instead.
- #SuperBookBowl fans out in the streets, setting off fireworks and smashing e-readers.