Monday, February 6, 2012

Ain't No Houellebecq Girl

Since I'm not really a football fan, I decided to start the #SuperBookBowl hashtag on Twitter last night. Soon, people were contributing awesome tweets of their own - it was so much fun! Seriously - one of my biggest nerdpurrs ever.

Here's my commentary:

- Garcia Marquez just sacked Vargas Llosa!

- Philip Roth keeps patting everyone on the ass.

- James Patterson runs one yard, then stops. Runs one yard, then stops...

- Remember a few years ago, when Norman Mailer stabbed a ref with a steak knife?

- Shocked to hear that Beverly Cleary will not be in tonight's game, after testing positive for steroids.

- Man, George R. R. Martin takes a really long time before he throws the ball.

- Harper Lee has taken herself out of the game!

- Murakami throws the ball..........Incomplete!

- The Authors call a time out - Houellebecq is missing. Wait, hold on - they have located him. He was at the beer cart.

- Ohhhhhhh! Joyce Carol Oates has a wardrobe malfunction during the halftime show!

- Jonathan Franzen has been ejected from the game after arguing with the ref, Michiko Kakutani.

- There's Coach Jennifer Egan - her players tell us that she illustrates the plays of the game for them in Power Point.

- I tell ya, The Authors could not have better cheerleaders than the Indie Booksellers. They are SPECTACULAR.

- Time out - @Shteyngart has let a dachsund out on the field.

- Brrrr! Eugenides must have chosen the uniforms - those vests look cold!

- Another time out - streaker on the field. Is that...wait...yep - it's Edith Pearlman.

Hold everything! Turns out, J.K. Rowling has actually been playing for the other team THE WHOLE GAME!

- Milan Kundera is leaving the field injured - looks like a pulled groin.

- The entire opposing team has piled on top of Zadie Smith!

- Still too early to call the game, but Joan Didion has already started looting.

- Neal Stephenson runs over 1000 yards for a touchdown!

- That's Jonathan Safran Foer sitting in the stands, holding the sign protesting the use of pig's skin.

- Q.R. Markham steals the ball from Robert Ludlum!

- And Tom Clancy scores a touchdown with his butt!


- Lauren Myracle has been named MVP of the #SuperBookBowl! No, wait...Nope - they're awarding MVP to Franny Billingsley instead.

- #SuperBookBowl fans out in the streets, setting off fireworks and smashing e-readers.